DO-GOODERS SHAME SCHOOLS WITH SALAD HANDOUTS: IS LUNCH LADY UNION NEXT?

In a truly shocking exposé, our colleagues over at Noozhawk have brought to light the scandalous truth: Dos Pueblos High School students are actually *farming* and *distributing* thousands of salads to their peers and teachers. Yes, you read that right. Not the overworked, underpaid cafeteria staff, not the overfunded, underperforming school administration, but actual, literal children are ensuring their school community gets proper nourishment. One has to wonder what exactly all those highly-paid administrators and nutrition program managers are doing, if not, you know, managing nutrition. Perhaps their latest diversity and inclusion seminar left no time for actual food planning.

This 'Healthy Salad Meals' program, spearheaded by students, is either an inspiring tale of youthful initiative or a damning indictment of the public education system's complete inability to manage basic sustenance. We're leaning towards the latter. It's almost as if the powers-that-be would prefer students be too weak from hunger to question the next bond measure or mandatory emotional intelligence workshop. The optics are terrible, folks. Imagine the embarrassment for the district: 'We can teach you critical race theory, but don't ask us for a Caesar salad.'

And let's not forget the precedent this sets! If students can organize their own food supply, what's next? Will they start demanding accountability for school budgets? Will they manage their own curriculum? The very fabric of bureaucratic control could unravel. Next thing you know, they'll be questioning why the district needs another Assistant Deputy Superintendent for Equitable Edible Opportunities when a few kids with gardening gloves can feed half the school. It’s enough to make you choke on your organic arugula.

Perhaps the biggest takeaway from Noozhawk's report isn't the salads themselves, but the stark reminder that when institutions fail, individuals, even young ones, often step up. It's a heartwarming thought, but also a deeply unsettling one for anyone who believes in the efficiency and competence of our government-run school monopolies. Maybe it's time to let the kids run the whole show; they seem to be doing a better job at least when it comes to lunch.