FINALLY, SOMEONE ELSE TO BLAME! STATE SENDOFF FOR, UH, TRACK TEAM!

It was truly a banner day for Pioneer Valley High School last Friday, as reported by our colleagues over at KSBY News. With all the pomp and circumstance usually reserved for, say, a budget surplus or an actual groundbreaking academic achievement, the school celebrated its 'Unified Track Team' heading to the state championships. One might even call it a feel-good story, if one were prone to such sentimental silliness. The real story, of course, is the sheer delight of school administrators at having *something* positive, however minor, to trot out for the cameras.

Indeed, the spectacle of students and staff lining the campus to wave goodbye suggests a carefully orchestrated public relations maneuver. "Look, ma!" they cried, and by "they" we mean the district's PR flacks, "Pioneer Valley is doing good things! Please, please ignore the truancy rates, the academic slides, and the ever-present existential dread of managing a public school in 21st-century California! Focus on the track team!"

And focus we shall, for a moment, on this 'Unified Track Team.' While the specifics remain gloriously vague, one can only imagine the sheer effort involved in unifying anything at a modern public high school, let alone a track team. Perhaps it involves unifying the disparate factions of students who still remember what a finish line is, with others who are just happy to be outside during school hours. Or perhaps it's a profound statement on bringing together students who can actually run with those who prefer a vigorous power-walk.

Regardless of the 'unified' specifics, the team's departure to state championships provided a precious few hours where no one had to talk about curriculum reform, teacher retention, or the rising cost of school-issued artisanal avocado toast. For that brief, shining moment, Pioneer Valley High could bask in the reflected glory of, well, *activity*. We here at The Whipping Post salute their ability to find a silver lining in, we can only assume, another year of uninspired achievement.