POETRY READINGS: TEN STEPS TO GUARANTEED BOREDOM OR COMMUNITY SERVICE

Oh, bless their hearts. The Santa Barbara Independent has just published a groundbreaking exposé on… wait for it… how to organize a poetry reading. Our collective eyelids are already heavy with anticipation. We imagine the deep, intellectual struggles involved in such an endeavor: finding a mic, making sure there's lukewarm coffee, and perhaps, hiring a single sad interpretive dancer to flail gently in the background. It truly is a Herculean task requiring ten meticulous steps, clearly designed for those who find tying their shoelaces an advanced calculus problem.

One can only assume this vital public service comes after years of anguished questions from the community, such as, "Help! My artisanal kombucha and vegan cracker sales are plummeting because there's no suitable performance art backdrop! What do I do?" Thankfully, the Indy, in its infinite wisdom, has swooped in, presumably saving us all from the tragedy of unread stanzas and un-sniffed literary wine.

The real artistry, of course, isn't in crafting words that might, occasionally, rhyme. It's in convincing anyone outside of the poet's immediate family, their therapist, and that one English Lit professor who still emails, to actually show up. Perhaps the next installment will be: 'How to Organize a Revolutionary War Reenactment Without Anyone Noticing It's Just You In Your Backyard With a Musket and a Tricorner Hat.' We await with bated breath and copious amounts of caffeine.

We here at The Whipping Post commend the Indy's unwavering commitment to chronicling the existential challenges facing our fair county. After all, if we don't know how to book a venue for someone to drone on about their feelings, what even is civilization?