UCSB DAILY NIMRODS' EDITOR IN CHIEF: 'PINCH ME' BEFORE I EXILE MYSELF TO THE REAL WORLD!

Well, folks, hold onto your Birkenstocks, because the UCSB Daily Nexus — that bastion of hard-hitting journalism about dorm food and bicycle lanes — has once again graced us with a 'Letter from the Editor.' This time, it's Shayla Prasad, the erstwhile 'Co-Editor in Chief,' apparently experiencing a full-blown existential crisis at the terrifying prospect of graduation. We learn her tenure was a 'blur,' which we assume means she spent most of it trying to figure out which filter to use on her Instagram posts.

Ms. Prasad, bless her heart, seems genuinely flummoxed by the concept that time passes and that 'senioritis' is a thing. She wants someone to 'pinch' her, presumably to confirm that her idyllic little bubble of student government meetings and deeply important op-eds about microaggressions is actually coming to an end. It's almost as if the thought of confronting a world where not everyone agrees with your every pronouncement, or where 'trigger warnings' aren't mandatory, is... well, triggering.

We appreciate the sentiment, dear Editor. It's truly moving to witness a generation grapple with the harsh reality that 'co-editor in chief' of a campus rag doesn't automatically translate to a corner office at the New York Times. While Ms. Prasad encourages us all to 'release our outer glow' — whatever that means in the context of student journalism — we humbly suggest she might first try releasing herself from the collective delusion that the Daily Nexus is anything more than a glorified high school yearbook. Good luck out there, Shayla. The real world doesn't care about your 'blur.' It cares if you can, you know, do stuff.