★ HOT NEW ISSUE — STILL DAMP ★ ★ WHAT — ME WORRY? ME NEITHER. ★ FREE INSIDE: OUTRAGE, SATIRE & A FREE TOOTHPICK ★ SANTA BARBARA EDITION — NOW WITH 30% MORE SCANDAL ★ THE PAPER YOUR SUPERVISOR DOESN'T WANT YOU READING ★ “BUY THIS RAG OR WE SHOOT THIS DOG.” — THE EDITORS ★ ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS — WE PRINT (AND THEN SOME) ★ EXCLUSIVE: EVERYTHING IS FINE. (NARRATOR: IT WAS NOT.) ★ 100% RECYCLED OUTRAGE · 0% APOLOGIES · 12% INK ★ GOOD CLEAN FUN AT SOMEBODY ELSE'S EXPENSE ★ WARNING: MAY CAUSE SNICKERING IN PUBLIC PLACES ★ READ IT AND WEEP — OR AT LEAST CHUCKLE ★ ★ HOT NEW ISSUE — STILL DAMP ★ ★ WHAT — ME WORRY? ME NEITHER. ★ FREE INSIDE: OUTRAGE, SATIRE & A FREE TOOTHPICK ★ SANTA BARBARA EDITION — NOW WITH 30% MORE SCANDAL ★ THE PAPER YOUR SUPERVISOR DOESN'T WANT YOU READING ★ “BUY THIS RAG OR WE SHOOT THIS DOG.” — THE EDITORS ★ ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS — WE PRINT (AND THEN SOME) ★ EXCLUSIVE: EVERYTHING IS FINE. (NARRATOR: IT WAS NOT.) ★ 100% RECYCLED OUTRAGE · 0% APOLOGIES · 12% INK ★ GOOD CLEAN FUN AT SOMEBODY ELSE'S EXPENSE ★ WARNING: MAY CAUSE SNICKERING IN PUBLIC PLACES ★ READ IT AND WEEP — OR AT LEAST CHUCKLE ★